Off to sea, oh no not me…

He keeps on about a nice sea cruise,
With brochures handed to me to peruse.
He sure knows what makes me tick,
When even a boating lake can make me feel sick.

He says a wonderful joy and experience it will be. 
Spending two weeks on the big blue sea,
What does he think, standing there all serious,
You stupid man, you're making me delirious.

Just think about the great time there will be,
On this wonderful holiday, just you and me.
Tell me my love, what you do think,
Honest my love, we won't sink.

I say what with men all dressed in a white dinner jacket,
And me in a frock, with bling and life jacket!
While others dine, drink and go dancing,
My little heart with be bloody racing.

At night when all quests are retiring,
I'll be doing something more uninspiring,
Like putting on my big thick warm furry coat,
And heading for deck to sleep in a life-boat

You expect me then at ports to disembark,
I'm not doing that my dear, in the feckin dark.
I've had about enough of this silly idea.
I'm going out, you'll find me in Ikea.

I'm back from the shops, with his cash all gone,
Believe it or not, he's still going on.
I'm off to the kichen to get a cold fizzy beer.
As I said 'My Darling, I'll wave you off at the pier'.

Oh, I am certain, that you’ll never find me on a cruise ship.

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